What a radical idea isn't it? You can grieve privately too if that's more your thing.
In that tender place I feel deeply alive and connected to an overwhelming grace. For me this is where my power lies during these trying times. Our greatest defense is our willingness to face these times with a fierce heart, discernment and understanding - the etymology of that word literally means to stand under everything that is, to feel its weight.
To feel more, not less. Even if that means my heart breaking open to everything that is, to everything that is no longer.
A question that continually haunts me these days is -how do I embody what it means to be a grown up during these times? What does it mean to truly be grown up in times void of any meaningful initiation? A time void of Elders to guide those initiations...
To know that things are not going to "work out" for a very long time. It doesn't matter how I personally feel about it, but what can I do about it? How can I plant a seed for generations to come, doing the hard work required to tend to that task knowing full well that I may not reap the benefits of any of it.
Is that what adulthood looks like? I don't really know as there aren't that many models out there showing me the way. There are a few, yes, but not many.
You might think this sounds a lot like martyrdom, or possibly even cynicism, but its not. It's wisdom, and it's not mine either. We have been 'taking' long enough, we have invested in the "feel good industry" at great expense. Not just to us, but to those generations that come after us.
Consumer culture never wants you to grow up. It never wants you to be discerning, to ask questions with no clear answers, to feel humbled and bewildered by it all. Consumer culture counts on your obedience to the Modern Gods of endless goods, to the current religion. To the only cultural paradigm most of us have ever known. To separation from human and nature ('heaven' and earth). To infantile behaviors of endless taking of finite resources without consequence. Because children need to learn consequence, its not inborn, it's learned.
The words of Stephen Jenkinson come to mind here (as they are really in the spirit of this post), in a recent podcast of his one line really stood out to me:
"Love it by seeing it down, help it end, not continue. That is what a grown up does when things end."
Another earth shattering principle he lives by is that one cannot be hopeful and dying at the same time.
Hope is a dangerous game. Its hostile to the present moment. If we live in hope of a better day we are not under-standing. We aren't here. Now.
Where our children and their children need us to be. As hard as that may seem.
We need to understand our limits because if not, they will be forced on us as they are now.
Nature is a wild beautiful beast. The wild doesn't punish but it operates under the natural laws of balance and consequence.
This virus came from the wild and its a consequence of too much encroachment. Too much taking.
We are well beyond any form of solution to solve this problem. So where does that leave us? Not hope-less but hope-free. Not in despair but in Wonder. In fierce Love and in deep grieving of it all. One cannot exist without the other. Having the courage to love means having the courage to grieve and understand our impermanence. This is not new, you are just asleep to it on most days, as am I.
“We would rather be ruined than changed
We would rather die in our dread
Than climb the cross of the moment
And let our illusions die.”